What do you think of this poem?

song/poem i've written , friend group, , want know if have feedback on :3 astericks (*) marked lines...i alternatives them, can't seem think of of own...so love help!

went down winding memory lane
when saw voice mail late yesterday
recollecting when first crossed paths
oh, see how we've come long way

there memories can never disappear
not when face blow right on head
day laughed on first joke
, mimicked authority on makeshift bed

hungry didn't wanna eat
tired couldn't fall asleep
overwhelmed excitement due of
when acquaintances changed new

, we're wanting pause blue
, know won't pass phase
we're having moments of our lives right
these best ever days

did wrong along road
held against forgave
helped me out of every mess made
when cut hardship made save

, i'm thinking window seat
drying tears when came me
3 days later laughing again
different window , better friends

felt lonely walking wasn't alone
*who cares if i'm stuck in friendzone*
i'm overwhelmed being close y'all
*whenever you're lonely give me call*

, we're wanting pause blue
, know won't pass phase
we're having moments of our lives right
these best ever days

-
think? criticism welcome! :) xx

so song/poem i've written , friend group, , want know if have feedback on :3 astericks (*) marked lines...i alternatives them, can't seem think of of own...so love help! went down winding memory lane when i...

Arts & Humanities Poetry Next