Will you comment on this poem please?


trying avoid sharp edges

silence lacking
i'm hoping moment
define peace, if abstract
free daily din

when life heavy play
carefree days, ignoring
portended
not yet understanding sin

recalling when annoying
picket fence feeling
wrath of our growing
in sounds of clattering

scraping sticks against
once white parallel rails
immune
skipping, laughing, chattering

pressing against opposing forces
of our our naivety
exhausted, laying sprawled
in thin grasses growing beneath our tree

exposed flesh touched damp
, breezes of spring
there thoughts sing
, feelting times know free

there no real need fill air
syllables drifted
through windows, weaving way
through , past branches


along cobbled paths dragging toes
crafting crooked trenches
simple seeds dropped
critters find, nose

once again when silence found
manner of things recorded
using inked quills in spiral volumes
black, neatly bound

trying avoid sharp edges silence lacking i'm hoping moment define peace, if abstract free daily din when life heavy play carefree days, ignoring portended not yet understanding sin recalling when annoying picket fence...


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